The Oscars 2014

The Oscars

It’s time for the 86th Annual Academy Awards hosted again by the incomparable Ellen DeGeneres. Can she pull off another great show on Hollywood’s night of nights?

The theme this year is superheroes. Let’s see who will take out the coveted golden statues – here we go…

Opening monologue: So far it’s off to a shaky start with Ellen stumbling over a joke involving Liza Minnelli looking like a man. There are a few polite laughs as she awkwardly references whether Amy Adams went to college and makes comment about Jonah Hill showing her his bits and pieces. Not her best work.

She also says what everyone is thinking – if 12 Years a Slave doesn’t win Best Picture then everyone is racist.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: The very pretty Jared Leto wins for Dallas Buyers Club and gives an inspiring speech (that is a little long in Oscars land) speaking to those who have suffered injustice for whatever reason all over the world. Let’s see how much sooner the ‘get off’ music starts as the night progresses.

The walking grin that is Jim Carrey is onstage doing impressions and physical comedy to reference animated heroes – what else? He does it so well though, doesn’t he.

Pharrell has put THAT Arby’s hat back on to perform his song Happy from Despicable Me 2. Taking a little walk to the front row, he shimmies with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams gets her groove on.

The awkard jokes continue as Ellen tries to make that reference to Jonah Hill’s bits and pieces work – it’s still doesn’t.

Best Costume Design: Was there any doubt that this award was going to Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby? She thanks her team back in Australia who are sewing their fingers to the bone for Baz’s Strictly Ballroom The Musical.

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: The first Oscar for Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews and they could not be sitting any further away. Great work on Dallas Buyers Club, these ladies deserve it.

The ceremony seems to be moving along at quite a pace – as they say, a good game is a fast one.

Ellen is handing out lotto scratchies to Bradley Cooper because “everyone should win something”…?

Best Short Film – Animated: Mr Hublot by Laurent Witz and Alexandre Espigares.

Best Animated Feature Film: Taken out by the favourite to win – Frozen.

Best Visual Effects: Is won by the team on Gravity – as well they should. A truly ground-shaking experience if you caught it in the cinema.

Best Live Action Short Film: This is a great opportunity for short film makers. Won by Helium.

Best Documentary Short Subject: The Lady in Number 6

Ellen is wandering down the aisle of the Dolby saying hello to everyone – maybe she thinks this is actually her talk show? She seems to be struggling a little bit, which is strange for her. She is generally fantastic at this.

Best Documentary Feature: Goes to 20 Feet from Stardom. An insightful look at the unsung heroes of the stage – backup singers. A great doco – see it immediately.

The intimidating and deadpan (looks like he’s keeping with this schtick for good) Kevin Spacey is congratulating winners from the ‘Honourary Oscars’ including Angelina Jolie, Angela Lansbury and Steve Martin.

Best Foreign Language Film: The Great Beauty wins – a love letter to Rome.

Ellen has stuck with tradition and made a costume change… even though it is still a suit. She is now wearing all-white.

Brad Pitt announces U2. They are performing a simple arrangement of their Oscar-nominated song Ordinary Love from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom – this is a special Oscars moment.

U2 get a standing ovation, as they should, but it is probably mostly for Nelson Mandela.

Ellen is wandering the aisles again. Trying to make up for referring to Liza Minnelli as a man by getting a selfie with her. She is also going to get one with Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper and bloody everyone to see if they can break the Twitter retweet record. THAT WAS ACTUALLY AWESOME. Here it is.

Ellen's best. selfie. ever.

Ellen’s best. selfie. ever.

Charlize Theron is looking phenomenal, as is Chris Hemsworth. Best dressed of the night? They are announcing Best Sound Mixing. Gravity wins.

Best Sound Editing: Gravity was the favourite to win this one and it did!

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: There are so many deserving nominees in this category but like the Highlander, there can be only one. Lupita Nyong’o wins! And gets a standing ovation. I’m sure there is a drinking game somewhere in here. It is so nice to see someone who is overwhelmed and genuinely appreciates winning an award like this. Lupita nails her acceptance speech. “For every little child, no matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.”

Ellen is actually handing out pizza to the audience. It is a boring ‘bit’ because honestly, who is going to eat that? On a side note – Ellen broke Twitter with her amazing selfie.

Amy Adams looks stunning as she sashays onstage with the crazy-haired and fantastic Bill Murray. Best Cinematography time and it goes to … you guessed it, Gravity.

Best Film Editing: Gravity – are we sensing a pattern here?

Multiple-time Oscar host Whoopi Goldberg flashes some striped socks and ruby heels to commemorate the legacy of Wizard of Oz. Judy Garland’s children are there (that explains Liza) and take a bow. Followed by a beautiful rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Pink.

Ellen comes out dressed as Glinda from The Wizard of Oz. A giant pink puffball of weirdness.

Catherine Martin wins ANOTHER Oscar in the Best Production Design category for The Great Gatsby.

It is all about the superheroes now. A montage of the fantastical, heroic and inspirational characters from cinematic history. Who is your favourite?

Glenn Close has the duty of announcing the memorial list of those that passed away this year. A melancholy list every time but among them great losses like James Gandolfini (Sopranos), Peter O’Toole (Lawrence of Arabia), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote), Paul Walker (Fast and the Furious franchise), Richard Griffiths (Harry Potter franchise).

If you weren’t already bawling like a baby at this point Bette Midler arrives onstage in an understated dress to sing her ballad Wind Beneath My Wings. She is truly magnificent. No bells and whistles needed here. Another standing ovation though.

Goldie Hawn is gorgeous in a shimmering metallic dress but looks like she should have a cabana boy standing beside her handing over cocktails. Everyone’s favourite sexy grandma.

John Travolta’s shiny forehead introduces the incredible Idina Menzel to sing Let It Go from Frozen – just when you had finally got it out of your head. At least I think he did? I don’t think anyone is really sure what he said.

Thigh muscles are getting a good workout with all these standing ovations.

Jamie Fox and Jessica Biel are here to announce Best Original Score and Jamie does some ‘subtle’ background music while a giggling Jessica reads autocue. The Oscar goes to Stephen Price for Gravity – his first Oscar.

Best Original Song: Let It Go from Frozen.

Best Adapted Screenplay: John Ridley for 12 Years a Slave.

Best Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze for Her.

We are getting down to the business end now. It’s time for Best Directing. Alfonso Cuaròn takes it out for Gravity. Best Film is definitely going to be a close call at this point.

Ellen is continuing her talk-show style of ‘chatting’ with the actors in the audience. Wish it was about more interesting things.

Best Actress: This is the coveted one – will our Cate take out the top gong for Blue Jasmine? Or will it be the other favourite Sandra Bullock for Gravity? Perhaps the formidable Meryl Streep for August: Osage County?

CATE WINS!!! She knocks the acceptance speech out of the theatre naturally.

Everyone’s best friend and role model Jennifer Lawrence announces Best Actor but not before having a go at someone in the audience for laughing at her. “What are you laughing at? Is this funny? Oh OK.”

As was expected Matthew McConaughey wins Best Actor for his work in Dallas Buyers Club. He completely transformed his physical appearance to play Ron Woodroof, an aids sufferer in the ’80s.

Best Picture: You may have seen it coming and 12 Years a Slave takes out the top award of the night. Brad Pitt and Steve McQueen give speeches and with that the ceremony is unceremoniously over.

Thanks for joining me for The Oscars 2014. I would love to hear your thoughts on the films that won. Do you think the academy got it right?

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